Monday, September 8, 2008

Late at Night things always hit me.

I guess I am going to bear my soul for a few minutes and forgive me if I ramble a bit. I have been sitting here by myself for about a half an hour well not by myself but with my savior. I have been trying very hard to listen for that quiet voice to see if it is in front of me or behind me. I heard someone preaching on the subject not too long ago, unfortunately, I can't remember the verse, but it had to do with the voice of Christ being behind you. He said that many preachers miss this portion. If you hear the voice of your savior behind you, you are not following him. You are going your own way not the way that he wants you to go. We always seem to want to do everything bigger and better than anyone else and we are such selfish creatures. We want to get to the front, even if it is before Jesus. And that is why I am sitting here in the dark with just my computer and my Lord bearing my soul.

I began this evening with a bit of a pity party for Nancy. I have been so discouraged over my lack of sales. I went out this weekend a purchased over $200 in supplies for new product. I was so excited Friday that my patterns had come. I wanted to get started making them. These are really cute Christmas and Holiday patterns. But they are a departure from the focus I ususally have in my art product. I got patterns for Baskets that I made that represent Holloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Not one of them however shows the awesome goodness of our Lord. Bet you could guess what the shapes are: a Jack-o-Lantern, Turkey, Christmas Tree, Santa Claus, Snowman and Bunny. After I made them I began to think about how I could put together one for the true meaning of Christmas, but I haven't done it yet. Instead, I kept thinking about how cute these will be when I get them on line. Then tonight it hit me between the eyes. Am I really doing my business to please God, or have I departed from my original business plan and made my own way?

That is my dilemma as I sit here and write this blog. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against Santa or the Easter Bunny. I think they are great for kids. It gives them something beyond themselves and their family to believe in. It sets them up for believing in God. See Santa and the Easter Bunny can't be seen and God can't be seen, so it just makes sense that kids come to believe in God because when they were little they believed in Santa and the Easter Bunny. I just want to make sure that this is where God wants me to be. I want to make sure that the true meaning of Christmas is acknowledged with my Christmas items. I want to make sure that everyone that sees my work knows that God has his hand in everything I do.

I think when I go through one of these dry spells where I haven't had any sales for awhile I start doubting myself. I don't doubt God, His way is perfect, but I doubt myself in knowing what his will is in my life. So, I sit, in the dark, with my Lord and hash it out. I have never blogged about it before. I have never written down the process I go through before. But for some reason God wanted me to do this and now. Not tomorrow morning when the struggles of the world come upon me again. Right now. When I am sitting in the dark by the light of my computer wondering where my life is going and if I am on the path He wants me to be on.

I'm still unsure of where this is going. I am still unsure of where he is leading me. But at least now I know that his voice is in front of me and not behind me. He is in the lead and whereever he goes I must follow.

Hope that this is a help to someone else who might be feeling the same way. I hope that if you are you will let me know. And if you aren't feeling this way right now I ask that you pray for me and everyone else that is unsure of where life is leading them. We can do anything and get through everything with God as our Forward Guard.

May God Bless and Keep you. May He Shine His Face Upon you and make you Glad.

Yours forever in Christ,